Let’s be honest, folks, we’ve all been there. The urge strikes, and you’re home alone with nothing but your imagination and a drawer full of…well, random stuff. It’s tempting to look around and think, “Could I…?” But before you go repurposing your kitchen utensils or raiding the toolbox, let’s have a little chat about safety and common sense, shall we?
HERE ARE 6 THINGS YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY NEVER USE AS A SEX TOY:
- The Vegetable Crisper: A Garden of NO-play
Okay, cucumbers and bananas get a pass – they’re practically honorary sex toys at this point. But venturing further into the produce aisle is where things get dicey. Carrots? Too rigid. Zucchini? Breakage hazard. And for the love of all that is holy, stay away from the chili peppers! Unless you’re aiming for a night of fiery regret instead of pleasure, stick to edible items specifically designed for… well, you know.
- The Cleaning Cupboard: A Recipe for Disaster
Bleach, ammonia, drain cleaner – just reading these labels should be enough to make you cringe. Yet, some adventurous souls still consider incorporating them into their solo time. Listen, just because it bubbles and fizzes doesn’t mean it’s good for your bits. These chemicals are caustic, corrosive, and can cause serious harm, leaving you with burns, irritation, and a trip to the emergency room that you’ll never forget (and wish you could).
- The Tool Shed: Hammer Time is Not Sexy Time
Tools are fantastic for fixing things, building things, and creating things. They are not, I repeat, NOT designed for internal exploration. Screwdrivers, wrenches, and yes, even hammers, have absolutely no business being anywhere near your nether regions. Metal is hard, unforgiving, and prone to causing tears, punctures, and a whole host of other injuries that will put a serious damper on your fun.
- The Bathroom Counter: Pretty, But Not Playful….read more
